


Battle Support

by fbn059



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Souji is a dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:56:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6058927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fbn059/pseuds/fbn059
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji is in love, and it will take an entire Investigation Team to help him out! (Crackfic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battle Support

**Author's Note:**

> A stupid crackfic idea that got really out of hand.

Rise still couldn’t believe how mistaken she was in her crush on Souji. 

She thought it might have been the first impression he made on her; first impressions are always the deepest, as they kept telling her when she was still in the industry, and Souji certainly made one hell of a first impression. Tall, striking and undeniably handsome when she first saw him at her grandmother’s tofu shop; strong, heroic and a veritable knight in shining armour as he led the team in the fight against her Shadow; polite and gentlemanly when they spoke again after her return to school. He almost seemed like the perfect guy. 

Well, except for the time when she saw him clutching a butterfly net and crawling on his hands and knees in the mud at the shrine (trying to catch bugs, as he explained to her).

And the time when she overheard his very explicit outburst after his fishing line broke at the river (‘Some of the fish I need for a stray cat, but what I really want is the big sonofabitch who keeps breaking my line’, he said to her).

And there was the time when she saw him carrying a bag of rancid gravy out from the men’s bathroom in school (‘I found it in there. It might come in useful one day, though it has its drawbacks,’ he said matter-of-factly, like it was the most natural thing in the world to be carrying bags of rancid gravy out of toilets).

When Rise had finally convinced herself that Souji was just a little eccentric and not completely batshit crazy, she now had this to deal with. It’s just one of the drawbacks to being a navigator; the information overload. The voices and emotions of the team booming through her head, Shadows round every corner, a thousand factors to be on the alert for in battle, party health, morale… it was a struggle to to figure out what to tune out and what to concentrate on at first. But she was proud and honoured to be a navigator, and she’d really appreciate it if people didn’t make her job any harder than it is—which was unfortunately, what Senpai was doing right now.

‘…Yeah, I know what you said, but I really don’t think this is appropriate!’ Yosuke complained, holding up the bathtowel around his waist as he ran after Souji.

‘What’s wrong with the outfit?’ Souji asked, slowing down so Yosuke could catch up.

‘Well, I couldn’t really argue when we were in the bathhouse, since it was kinda appropriate there… But now we’re in the frikkin’ Marukyu Striptease! In bathtowels! And why is it just the two of us fighting? This makes no sense!’

‘It does make sense. I think the bathtowel lets you move better. Your attacks have stopped missing, for one. It’s more than enough to take down anything in here.’

Rise felt she had to intervene. The argument was getting harder and harder to tune out, and she was losing her concentration. ‘Er, wow. Bathtowels. I didn’t know that’s what you were into, Souji-senpai. That’s… a little disappointing—’ 

‘I’m not comfortable with this!’ Yosuke broke in. ‘Is there an HR department I can report you to?’

‘There isn’t, I’m afraid. Anyway, let’s keep moving. I’m planning to pick up everything we need in one run.’ And Souji prodded at Yosuke’s rear with his sword, which only resulted in a jump, a yelp and a string of swear words.

‘I hate you, Souji!’ Yosuke choked out in a half-sob.

Rise sighed. The thumping music of the stripclub dungeon was giving her a headache, and returning to her nightmare world with two bickering half-naked male upperclassmen in bathtowels was the last thing she ever wanted to do. Nevertheless, she still took pride in being professional, no matter the situation. There was a dungeon to navigate, Shadows to look out for, and morale to keep up, and that was what she was there for.

‘Cheer up, Yosuke-senpai. I’m sure he has his reasons for this. He’s never let us down before.’ said Rise in a private aside to Yosuke, making sure that the signal didn’t reach Souji as well. She usually kept her distance from Yosuke-senpai—he gave off too much of a creepy fanboy vibe, she thought—but she felt truly sorry for him this time.

She saw Yosuke’s frown, and sensed a hint of hesitation. Then came his reply. ‘You may be right, but sometimes I feel like we’re getting by on pure dumb luck. I can’t figure out what he’s trying to do at all, and I’m supposed to be his best friend! Oh crap, there he goes—hey, Souji! Wait up!’

 _Uh, I think it’s pretty obvious what he’s trying to do, Yosuke-senpai._ Rise thought. She could sense the Shadows coming closer, almost within range now. _You’ll see what I mean in three, two, one…_

‘Shadows incoming, Senpai! Round the corner!’

‘Got it, Rise! Yosuke, you’re up!’

‘Okay partner!’

 _You’re a professional, Rise. You’re unbreakable. You can’t be fazed by anything. They’re counting on you._ Rise repeated the mantra for the thousandth time. _Don’t lose focus, and stay—oh my GOD! Yosuke-senpai, I REALLY didn’t need to see that!_

Rise’s eyes were watering by the end of the skirmish. In between keeping track of the flow of battle and the health of her teammates, she was trying very, very hard to look past the wardrobe malfunction Yosuke had every time he leapt for an attack. It was almost too much for a girl to take.

Outside at the entrance, the rest of the team were staring at her, looking slightly worried. 

‘Man, she’s sweating buckets,’ Kanji muttered.

Yukiko approached her carefully. ‘Rise, what’s happening? Are they alright? Are they in trouble? Why on earth didn’t they take me? Yosuke-kun can only do so much for healing on his own…’

_Not good, won’t do to make everyone panic over nothing._

‘N-no! No one’s in trouble! Well, except for Yosuke-senpai—uh, I mean… Everything’s fine!’

‘Wow, I’ve never seen her this flustered before,’ said Chie.

‘It’s nothing! It’s fine! Everything’s fine!’ Rise snapped. _Oh, fudgemuffins._

The team was now backing slowly away from her, like she was a cornered Rottweiler in a particularly bad mood.

Rise took a deep breath, and started over. _You’re a professional, Rise. You’re unbreakable._ But she did feel like she was about to crack, very soon. She’d seen the look on Souji’s face, every time Yosuke’s bathtowel flapped up whenever he landed after a jump, and she shivered. She knew that look; it was the same lecherous leer she saw on every rabid photographer who managed to accost her at her events. As she watched Yosuke hitching up the slipping bathtowel around his waist yet again, his face bright red, her heart went out to him.

‘Stay strong, Yosuke-senpai. You can do it!’

‘Ungh… Thanks, Rise.’ His voice sounded strained in her head. ‘Stupid Souji… I swear, I’m gonna kick his ass after this!’

‘Please calm down—oh not again. Senpai, another Shadow round the next bend!’

‘Got it!’ Souji replied, drawing his sword.

The fights kept coming, one after another, and just when Rise thought she’d caught enough accidental glimpses of bare buttocks and swinging scrotums to last her a lifetime, the great accident happened.

The battle was nothing out of the ordinary. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, and she thought it was over when Yosuke dealt the finishing blow. Then it happened. The wardrobe malfunction to end all wardrobe malfunctions.

There was the little white bathtowel fluttering to the ground. There was the horrified squeal from Yosuke (Rise never knew that a seventeen-year-old male’s voice was capable of hitting that high a pitch). There was the sharp clatter of metal against the floor as he dropped his blades in his rush to cross his hands over his privates. It felt like she was witnessing a car-crash in slow-motion. The sensation of being unable to stop the disaster happening right in front of her was something she never wanted to go through again.

She watched helplessly as Souji walked over, knelt and picked up the fallen bathtowel in one graceful motion, and started advancing towards Yosuke, who was beginning to look more like a tiny frightened rabbit than a full-grown teenager.

‘This is why I said it was inappropriate, you ass!’ Yosuke bleated. ‘It’s nothing but an accident waiting to happen and… why are you looking at me like that?’

Souji brought the towel to his face, inhaling deeply. ‘It’s a nice scent, Yosuke. Very… musky. What do you use?’

Rise felt the goosebumps rise on the back of her neck.

‘I don’t use any… Oh shut up! Stop messing with me! And give me back my towel!’

Souji stopped within arm’s reach of his frazzled partner, with a strange glint in his eye. ‘In a moment. Stand up straight, Yosuke. Arms up.’

‘What?! No! I won’t! Rise’s watching!’

‘Rise, if you don’t mind?’ Souji’s voice sounded calm and polite as always, but there was a touch of danger in it. It was the kind of voice he used when he expected his order to be carried out, no matter how outrageous it sounded. In most cases, he usually made the right call, but this time… 

Rise ground her teeth. _If you don’t do the right thing and slap that creep in the face, Yosuke-senpai, I will!_ But all she could do was murmur ‘Yes, Senpai,’ and shut off her visual feed. She still stubbornly kept all other channels open, however. You never know when something might be around the corner, after all. The problem with that was she could still hear everything that was going on between the two boys, clear as crystal. And as much as she tried, she couldn’t shut it out, not completely.

‘Alright Yosuke. Arms up.’

‘Dude, I know how to tie a towel around my own waist!’

‘No, you don’t. As demonstrated earlier.’

‘Ugh, fine.’ 

There was a long pause, before Yosuke spoke again.

‘Hey! How long are you gonna stand there and stare at my junk?’

‘…Hn? Oh, right… There, it shouldn’t be falling off anytime soon. Alright, Rise. We’re done now.’

Rise turned her visual feed back on, thankful that the conversation didn’t last any longer than that, or she would have probably stormed down to their location and started screaming and hitting Souji in his stupid face. 

‘Okay guys, we just need one more item. It’s… that brooch thing from the… dancey monster, and we’re done.’

Rise almost groaned out loud. _Brooch thing? Dancey monster? It’s the Flower Brooch, and, they’re called Soul Dancers, Senpai. What kind of leader are you?!_

 

When they stumbled back out into Junes electronics section hours later, Rise was fuming, outraged and indignant. She was no longer the girl she once was. The image of her knight in shining armour was well and truly shattered.

Something had changed in her. She would forget about silly crushes or seniority. She would put her foot down. She was a Navigator with a capital N, and a damn good one at that. There would be no sexual harassment on her watch, and especially not in her dungeon.

* * *

She called out to Souji the next day after school, as he was walking down the corridor.

‘Souji-senpai! I need a word with you. It’s about yesterday.’

Souji stopped and turned. There was something in her voice he’d never heard before. It was ice-cold, deadly, and it sounded very pissed.

‘Uh, yeah… but I’ve got some stuff to…’

‘I said I need a word with you, Senpai. _Now._ ’

Souji gulped nervously, knowing that she wasn’t giving him the option to refuse. ‘Okay, what is it—’

He was cut off by the resounding smack Rise delivered across his face. He staggered slightly, the initial shock fading, then gasped as it transformed into a searing heat burning across his cheek.

‘That… was for Yosuke-senpai.’ Rise hissed. She was still boiling in anger, but… _damn_ that slap was satisfying. She even noted, with some pride, at how the faint outline of a handprint was blossoming on the side of Souji’s face.

‘What did I do—’

‘You know what you did, Senpai. You know _very_ well what you did to Yosuke-senpai yesterday. He’s your teammate and your friend, and not a cheap piece of ass that you can just—‘

‘Woah. Wait, hold up.’ Souji was outright blushing now. ‘I… I think we should be discussing this somewhere more private, don’t you?’ He tilted his head, gesturing to the small crowd that had gathered around them in the hallway, all whispering about what he’d done to warrant a slap from the teen idol.

‘Oh! Oh yes, you’re right, no one wants to hear about the time when you were eyeballing Yosuke-senpai’s dangling bits—’

‘H-hey, how about drinks at a cafe? On me?’ said Souji, and rather desperately at that. ‘It’ll be my treat andohgodpleasepleasestoptalkingrightnow.’ 

‘That sounds great! Thank you so much, Senpai!’ Rise flashed him a winning idol-worthy smile, as if she hadn’t just bitch-slapped him across the face five seconds ago. The speed at which her moods changed could give anyone whiplash. ‘I’m looking forward to it!’

‘Y-you’re welcome.’

_So I got to slap a guy **and** score a free drink out of him. Not bad, Kujikawa Rise. Not bad at all._

* * *

‘Cafe Chagall, huh? You’ve got good taste, Senpai,’ said Rise, as she sat herself down in the cushioned chair and picked up her glass of cinnamon latte. ‘Well, apart from the whole bathtowels-as-battle-gear part and oggling Yosuke-senpai’s junk, I mean.’

‘Uh, yeah could you not keep mentioning that part over and over again? I’m really sorry about that. I’ve apologised to Yosuke as well, like you told me to. Even got on my knees too.’ Souji was resting his forehead against his palm, an elbow on the table. He looked very tired.

‘Not good enough, Senpai. I need you to promise me that you’ll never pull something as stupid as this again. As long as we’re in the TV world, there will always be danger, no matter how strong we think we are. You’re our leader, and the team rises with you, and it falls with you. Your job is to make sure we never fall. No more fooling around, no more going into battle half-naked, and no more of this sexual harassment nonsense, understand?’

‘Understood, ma’am.’ There was never a time when Souji felt so much like an elementary school kid getting lectured by a teacher.

‘Terrific! Now that the inquisition’s over and done with, let’s enjoy this date, Senpai!’

Souji smiled bitterly, rotating the cup of coffee in his hands. ‘It’s more a bribe than a date, I think.’

‘Semantics, Senpai.’ Rise’s smile was even more dazzling now; she wasn’t done with him just yet. ‘By the way, you don’t look too happy about this date. A lot of guys would kill to be in your position right now. You don’t like me?’

‘I… I think you’re great, Rise. You’re just… not my type.’

‘So… what’s your type, then?’

‘I’d rather not say.’

Rise’s voice fell into a wicked-sounding purr. ‘I can make an educated guess though. Let’s see, your type’s probably… a skinny dorky pushover with shaggy hair, a nurse fetish and a major problem with foot-in-mouth syndrome—’

‘Rise.’ She could hear the warning in his voice. ‘I think you’ve made your point.’

She sighed; time to lay off on the teasing and go straight to it then. ‘You’re sweet on him, aren’t you? Why not tell him outright? Do a big romantic confession with chocolates and flowers? Make it clear that you’re interested in him!’

Souji’s face was now buried in the crook of his elbow. He looked more tired than ever. ‘It… It’s not that easy for me. And I know he’s just gonna reject me. If there ever was a straight guy, that’ll be him. Do you have any idea how much nurse porn he has? There’s no point in trying.’

‘Listen, Senpai. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you try.’ Souji looked up at her. She’d turned serious now; the coquettish sparkle in her voice was gone, replaced by a thoughtful solemnity. ‘ _I’ve_ tried. I turned on the charm and the smiles and the crocodile tears, and I did everything I could. When you rejected me after all that, it hurt. A lot. But I picked myself up and I moved on, and I’m stronger for it. And I have nothing to regret now, because I know I’ve gave it my best shot.’ 

‘Rise… I’m sorry.’

Rise laughed, as if to break the tension. ‘Hey, don’t apologise; I’m already over it. It’s just my luck though, falling for a gay guy and all. I should’ve known it was too good to be true. But more importantly, what are we going to do about you?’

Souji crooked his mouth in a wry smile. ‘Absolutely nothing. We’ve got more important things to worry about right now.’

‘No we don’t, Senpai. We’re just waiting around until the next victim shows up on the MIdnight Channel. When they do, I need you to be completely focused as our leader, not moping after Yosuke-senpai and sighing wistfully like a lovestruck maiden.’

‘I don’t mope, and I don’t “sigh wistfully like a lovestruck maiden”, Rise.’

‘Oh sorry, my mistake. You sniff his bathtowel like a perv and drool over his nether regions like Chie-senpai with a medium-rare ribeye.’

Souji winced; she’d hit the nail on the head. ‘…Fair point. So, what do you propose?’

Rise gave him her most reassuring smile. ‘Don’t worry, Senpai! I’m here to help you. And I’ll get the whole team to help out too! What you’ll be doing is working your magic on Yosuke-senpai. We’ll be using the tried and tested methods: taking him out on dates, giving him gifts, and so on. Do everything you can to take him down. But we need a plan; details, everything, so when you finally make your confession, he’ll turn gay so fast, he won’t know what hit him.’

‘Uh, thanks very much, but I—’

‘Oh! And I know where you can hire a hotel room at a really good price for your er… consummation. They’ve got pretty clean rooms, totally not sleazy at all, and there’s a vending machine in the lobby where you can pick up condoms—’

Souji cleared his throat in embarrassment. ‘I think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves, Rise.’ 

‘Hm. You’re right, Senpai. One step at a time. I’ll get everyone together (except Yosuke-senpai, of course). I’m sure we’ll come up with a great gameplan! Oh, this _will_ be fun!’

Souji swallowed hard. He suddenly had a bad feeling about this. _I’m so sorry, Yosuke. For whatever’s going to come next. I’m so sorry._


End file.
